Dating while travelling: what to sort before the first drink

At home you know which bars are busy on a Tuesday and how long the taxi takes. Away, you don't, and the person you're meeting probably does. This checklist evens out that gap.

The checklist at a glance

The short version fits on one screen. Each stage is explained below.

Before you travel: what a friend should know

One person who knows your plans is the single most useful safety step. Pick someone at home, or a colleague you trust on the trip, and give them:

• Who: the person's profile name, a screenshot of their profile and the phone number they've given you, if any.
• Where and when: the name and address of the place you're meeting, and the time.
• A check-in time: for example, a message by 21:30 and another when you're back. Agree what they'll do if you go quiet: call you first, then the venue, then the police.
• Where you're staying: your friend should know your hotel or rental, even though your date shouldn't yet.

Then share your live location with that friend for the evening, using your phone's built-in location sharing or your messaging app. Switch it off in the morning. An example check-in message:

Example: "At the bar on the high street, all fine. Next message by half ten."

A few practical things to sort before you leave home:

1. Make sure your phone will have data where you're going, through roaming or a local or travel eSIM, so maps, taxi apps and location sharing work.
2. Pack a charged power bank. A dead phone at 23:00 in a strange city turns a fine evening stressful fast.
3. Look up the local emergency number (see the table below) and save it.
4. Keep a copy of your hotel's address in the local language, such as the hotel's business card, for taxi drivers.
5. If you're a US citizen, consider enrolling in the State Department's Smart Traveler Enrollment Program, which sends safety updates for your destination. Other governments' travel-advice sites offer similar alerts.

Picking a first-meeting spot in a city you don't know

Choose the place yourself: busy, staffed, near where you're staying and easy to leave. Choose it in daylight if you can. A good first-meeting spot is:

• Busy and staffed: a hotel bar that isn't yours, a popular bar or a restaurant with a bar counter. Avoid anywhere quiet, private or "a bit out of the way".
• Near where you're staying: ten or fifteen minutes away, so getting back is short and familiar, but not in your own hotel's lobby on the first meeting.
• Easy to leave: on a main street, near a taxi rank or a station that runs late.
• Open late enough: check the closing time, so you're not hunting for a second venue in an area you don't know.

The front desk or concierge at your hotel is a good, free source of local knowledge. Ask which areas are lively on a weeknight and which are best avoided after dark.

Be wary if a match insists on a venue far from where you're staying, wants to collect you, or suggests their place or yours for the first meeting. Our guide to meeting people in a new city has more on choosing where to go.

The first drink: small habits that keep you in control

Stay in charge of your drink, your belongings and your exit. That means:

• Order your own drinks, take them from the bar staff yourself, and don't leave them unattended. If you go to the toilet, finish it or leave it.
• Pace yourself. Local measures, spirits and wines can be stronger than you're used to, and jet lag or a long day of meetings lowers your tolerance.
• If you suddenly feel far drunker than you should, or dizzy or confused, tell the bar staff straight away and call your friend. Don't leave with the person you're with.
• Keep your phone, cards and some cash on you, not in a coat on the back of a chair.
• Send your friend the check-in message, even if it's going well.

Consent works the same way away from home as anywhere else. What happens next is a choice for both of you, made fresh each time, and either of you can change your mind. Nobody is owed anything for a drink, a dinner or a long journey.

Your hotel or rental: when, and whether, to mention it

Give the area, not the hotel name, when you arrange to meet. There's no need to share more until you've met in public and feel comfortable, and it's fine to keep it to yourself entirely.

If the evening is going well and you both want to go somewhere private:

• Tell your friend where you're going and who with.
• Check the rules. Hotels set their own guest policies, and some require visitors to be registered at the desk or don't allow them. Short-term rentals often have house rules about guests.
• Lock valuables away before you go out: passport, spare cards and laptop in the room safe or out of sight.
• Going to their place puts you somewhere you don't know with no staff nearby. Send your friend the address before you go, and keep your own way back.
• Check local law. In some countries, laws on sex between unmarried people, same-sex relationships or sharing a hotel room are strict. Your government's travel advice for that country has a section on local laws and customs: see GOV.UK, the US State Department, Canada, Smartraveller or SafeTravel.

Bring your own condoms. If the answer is no at any point, at the door or after it, the evening is over. On a work trip, the hotel question has a few extra wrinkles; see dating on a business trip.

Getting back without relying on your date

Plan the way back before you go out, not at closing time.

• Use a licensed taxi from a rank or a ride-hailing app. Check the plate and driver's name match the app before getting in, sit in the back and share the trip with your friend.
• On a first meeting, don't accept a lift from your date or let them walk you to your door.
• Know when the last train or bus goes, and keep enough cash for a taxi in case your card or phone fails.
• Message your friend when you're back.

If something goes wrong abroad

Call the local emergency number if you or someone else is in danger. Save the one for where you're going before you leave:

If you're a visitor, your country's embassy or consulate can help you find medical care, a lawyer or a replacement travel document, and contact family. It can't do everything: the UK's FCDO, for example, says it can't investigate crimes, give legal advice or pay your bills. Useful 24-hour numbers:

If you've been sexually assaulted, get to a safe place and seek medical help as soon as you can, even if you're not sure you want to report it; some care and evidence collection is time-sensitive. Your consulate can help abroad; the UK's FCDO treats victims of rape and sexual assault as a priority for help. Support lines include RAINN in the US (800-656-4673), Rape Crisis in England and Wales (0808 500 2222), the Dublin Rape Crisis Centre in Ireland (1800 77 8888) and 1800RESPECT in Australia (1800 737 732).

If you've been robbed, report it to local police and get a written report, which travel insurers and card issuers usually ask for. Cancel cards from your banking app straight away.

If you've been scammed, stop replying, keep the messages, report the profile in the members area, and report it to the fraud body in your home country, for example the FTC in the US or Report Fraud in England, Wales and Northern Ireland. Our safety page lists where to report in Scotland, Canada and Australia, and explains the scams that target travellers.

For the basics of the site, read how Date Overnight works.